Pepper Piper: Weasel Sleuth
by frostforge44
Summary: It's a race to the finish with only two rivals: Toon Patrol of Toon Town for the guilt and Pepper Piper: Chief Detective of House of Enigma Detective Agency for the innocence of accused murderer: Roger Rabbit. He has been framed and it is up the weasels to serve justice. One way or another. Rated T for language, mild violence, and just for safety. Takes place during the movie.
1. Acme Gets Cacked

**Hello! This is my first story in the WFRR archive, so I'm hoping to get some good reviews. Criticize if you wish, but no flames please. I have a feeling that this story has great potential. I only own Pepper Piper. Sadly, I do not own WFRR or its characters. Enjoy!**

A dark gray weasel with a white belly and muzzle slammed a door open, a weary look on her face as her tight bun released some bangs in front of her lavender shaded eyes. She took off her dark brown jacket, she wearing a dark purple dress suit, and hung it on the low set coat hanger, dragging herself to a couch and plunging herself down on it. The only thing really unprofessional about her appearance was her feet, which were also pure white with shiny claws.

"Pepper? Hast thou returned home? Be warned: if you are not the fair weasel, thou shall perish by my fists of fury!" A dramatic, British voice asked from the other room.

Shaking her head, Pepper replied, "It's me, Ziggy. I guess you got the role of Romeo?"

A zebra in tan suit made enthusiastic strides into the room from the kitchen, a booklet in his hand. In a Canadian accent, he replied, "I know! I couldn't believe it! You gonna come see me? Are ya? Are ya?"

Pepper chuckled, nodding wearily, "Sure, Ziggy. Why would I miss it?"

"You're always so busy! You're starting to get boring!" Ziggy groaned, plopping down on the couch next to her.

"Hey hey!" Pepper pushed playfully at Ziggy. "I'm working ta pay my cut of the rent, here!"

"Doesn't mean you need to be a stiff, eh?" Ziggy stomped his hooves on the wooden floor.

"You're British accent is improving," Pepper said, turning the subject around. "It'll be great for opening night."

"You really think so?" Ziggy asked excitedly.

"Sure. No doubt about it," Pepper gave out a loud yawn. She stretched her limbs and got off of the couch as she started to go to her room. "I'm going to bed. I suggest you do the same if you want to properly rest those acting muscles of yours."

"You're right!" Ziggy proclaimed dramatically. "I must get plenty of rest for my dress rehersals!"

* * *

Pepper gasped as the phone rang very _very _loudly. She looked at the clock and groaned at what time it was.

"For whoever's calling me at three in the morning, it better be god-damned important," she hissed as she grabbed the phone at her bedside. She was only half serious, though. She rigged the phone at her office to automatically to the one in her room after hours. Not like she would have to walk far, her office and the agency she owned was located right on the first floor of the three-story building.

"House of Enigma Detective Agency. Chief Pepper Piper speaking," she wearily greeted into the phone.

She nodded and 'mhmm'ed as she listened to a panicked voice explain something on the either end of the phone. Her eyes went completely wide at the very end.

"Okay, okay! I'll be there right away!" She nodded with a yawn. She hung up the phone and swung her paws over her bed, taking off the blanket and sliding onto the floor.

Her long-sleeved, violet nightgown slid silently on the floor as she went to her closet and dived right in. Various noises that would usually wake any toon within a two-block radiance were made for only a few seconds before she walked back out. She had changed into her field uniform. Well, the outfit she wore when she went to an actual investigation. Couldn't get her best uniforms dirty, can she?

Anyway, her "uniform consisted of a raspberry colored fedora with a maroon strip going across the bottom, which also circled the rim, and a bow added for some decoration. Pepper also wore a white, elbow-length dress shirt under a purple vest. Instead of her black hair in a tight bun, her hair was in a messy ponytail. Hey, she wasn't in an office, why should she have her hair up all proper like?

"Let's get'er done," Pepper sighed, grabbing her bronze-colored bag that had everything in it. _Everything_. She grabbed her keys and went right to the door.

"Pepper…?" Ziggy asked with a loud yawn, opening the door to his bedroom in his green striped pajamas. Pepper stopped dead in her tracks and turned back as he asked, "What's going on? It's too early to open up the place."

"Sorry for wakin' ya, Ziggy pal," Pepper said sadly, "but I just got a call. Marvin Acme got cacked no more than an hour ago."

Ziggy's brown eyes instantly went from a droopy, sleepy daze to unconcealed horror and shock.

"WHAT?! H-how?!" He asked, not believing what he was hearing.

"Apparently a safe was dropped on his head, but that's not the worst part. The one who called me was Jessica Rabbit. They all think her husband killed him," Pepper shook her head in disbelief. "A bunch of malarkey if ya ask me."

Ziggy cocked his head to the side, "Roger? They think _he _killed Acme?"

"I know," Pepper shrugged. "Morons. Still, Jessica wants me to come down and try to sort this out. Not sure what I can do, but you know me: I'm a helper."

"Okay. I'll see you later, then," Ziggy yawned before slinking back to his room and quietly closing the door.

Pepper nodded and stepped out the door, closing it and locking it in the process.


	2. The Toon Patrol

**Hello again! This chapter is definitely a lot longer than the first chapter, but its definitely more dramatic and funnier than the first. There's also more events going on and I hope you like it. One more thing: In this chapter, we meet the Toon Patrol. I know that in the movie they were never given specific eye colors, but I'm going to do it because I want to. I'm more than sure it's not their real eye colors, but oh well. Anyway, I do not own WFRR and only own Pepper Piper. Happy reading!**

"Chief Detective Pepper Piper. I'm here to investigate the scene," Pepper explained to the human police, showing her shiny gold badge.

"Go right in," the officers guarding the door to the Acme Warehouse nodded and stepped to the side.

"Thank you, gentlemen," Pepper nodded, taking her bag with her as she entered the warehouse. It was about six in the morning, but still there was a lot to do in the investigation. Mostly it was because the officers were interrogating anyone near the warehouse only a few hours ago.

"Pepper!" Jessica Rabbit exclaimed happily, rushing to the weasel and kneeling down as she took her in a hug. "Thank goodness you came! Tell me there's something you can do to help my honey bunny."

"I kinda just got here, Jessica," Pepper chuckled, pulling away. She looked Jessica in the eye and said, "But don't worry. I know Roger. He wouldn't hurt a fly. And I'll find the evidence to prove his innocence in no time flat!"

"Anything you can do will help, Pepper," Jessica smiled sadly, but still hopeful.

"Mrs. Rabbit," one of the officers gestured for her to come with them. More than likely for interrogation.

"I have to go. Please try to find something," Jessica said as she turned on her heel and walked to the office with the police.

Pepper set her bag on the ground and cracked her knuckles before opening it up.

One of the human officers started laughing, "Lookie here boys. A _toon's _on the case. I give'er five minutes before she breaks a nail."

Pepper shot them a glare as the other policemen shared a good laugh. She shook her head and went into her bag, bringing out what looked like a wrapped up sleeping bag.

"I guess even toons need their beauty sleep," another policeman snickered, making the other men laugh as well as Pepper set the bundle on the ground and unbuckled it.

She smirked as she set her foot on top of the bag and pushed it. It rolled out across the floor, each pouch containing any and every instrument necessary for crime scene investigation. The human police watched wide-eyed and flabbergasted as it never seemed to end until it stopped right at the door outside.

"Watch and learn, boys," Pepper stated, placing on some "human based" rubber gloves on her dark gray paws. She grabbed a magnifying glass along with a pair of tweezers as she finished, "This is how a _toon _works the case."

* * *

Naturally, Pepper only needed an hour to gather all that she needed. It was pretty slim evidence to work with, but the humans didn't need to know that. Also, she was used to it. The pieces would fall together one way or another.

She rolled up the yellow bundle into its sleeping bag form and lifted it to put it in her bag.

"Hey hey! Who let that toon in here?!"

Pepper lifted her head to see two new faces entering the crime scene. The one who had directed her wore a tan suit: jacket, pants, fedora, the works. His face was a bit softer, save the scowl compared to the second. _That _man she knew immediately.

_Eddie Valient, _she nodded to herself in confirmation. Never met him in person, but she did hear of him along with his brother, Teddy Valiant. They were great detectives, those boys. How would she know how they looked? She was one of the toon detectives on the case of the mystery toon that killed Eddie's brother. Still no luck in finding him.

"Easy there, Santino!" One of the officers answered for him. "She's a toon detective. Toons say she's the best in all of Toon Town. The rabbit's wife called'er in to prove he's innocent."

"And I believe I have everything I need, gentlemen," Pepper interrupted, setting the bundle in her bag and snapping it shut. "You can continue with _your _investigation if you'd like."

Instead, many of the officers were messing around with the various props. One officer was toying around with a black hole, sticking his hand in and out of it. A boxing glove suddenly shot out, nearly smacking Eddie in the face, twice.

"Didn't you used to be Eddie Valiant? I heard you changed your name to Jack Daniels," he snickered out, the other officers laughing along with him.

Pepper scoffed and rolled her eyes while muttering incoherently, "Men."

"Mr. Valiant," Jessica suddenly walked toward the detective. He seemed completely occupied in his mind right until she took her gloved hand and slapped him right across the face. Many of the men 'ohh'ed as they got a load of the scene.

"I hope your proud of yourself and the pictures you took," she scowled as she turned on her heel, getting wolf whistles from the other men in the crowd. Before she stepped out the door, she turned and smiled at Pepper, "I can't thank you enough for doing this for me, Pepper."

"A pleasure to do it, Jessica," Pepper saluted. "All of this will be all sorted out before you can say Looney Tunes."

"I'll be in touch," Jessica said before stepping out the door.

There was a crash and shoes were going everywhere. Toon shoes were going haywire and the human officers were desperate to try to get them back to the box. There was a clicking sound and Pepper turned her attention to the hand buzzer on the ground, carelessly falling off of Marvin Acme's hand.

As Eddie kneeled down to tie his shoe, he too noticed the buzzer and went to pick it up. He nearly succeeded, too, until the tip of a black cane pressed harshly onto his hand.

Pepper stiffened dramatically as she saw who wielded the cane. She tried to keep herself away from the radar of Judge Doom, currently running the law of Toon Town. He only wore black and was all in all creepy, even to Pepper.

"Is this man removing evidence from the scene of a crime?" he asked loudly.

"Uh, no, Judge Doom," the man named Santino interrupted Eddie as he stood up with the buzzer in hand. "Valiant here was just picking it up for you, weren't you Eddie?"

"Hand it over," Judge Doom held out his black-gloved hand for the buzzer.

"Sure," Eddie said, taking the buzzer and slamming it on the Doom's hand, making him shake and convulse from the effects of the buzzer. Eddie took his hand away and smiled, "His number one seller."

_If it weren't for Dip, I would love to do that, _Pepper started to snicker aloud.

"Ah, Chief Detective Pepper. I've been trying to contact you," the gray weasel stiffened again and stopped as Judge Doom turned his attention to her. She tried not to show her nervousness as he approached her slowly, "I see you got the message, nonetheless."

"Excuse me, Judge?" she asked, quirking an eyebrow in confusion.

"So you didn't. No matter," Judge Doom said, looking up and away as walked back towards Santino and Valiant. "I've been meaning to talk to you about a proposition. An opportunity worth taking."

"I'm listening," Pepper said interested, but narrowed her eyes in suspicion.

""You're the best detective in all of Toon Town. That is something I am willing to admit," he started, turning back to face Pepper. "Especially when it comes to missing toons."

"Details," Pepper snapped very lightly, yet she crossed her arms to amplify her assertiveness. "What's the point? What's the proposition?"

"Simple, my dear detective," Judge Doom said. "I want you to work with my men in finding the rabbit so he may be brought to justice."

"Sorry, Judge. No can do," Pepper waved her paw, declining the offer. "I'm already working to prove him innocent. I'm sure you understand."

The smile that was once on Judge Doom's face instantly vanished, yet his mood didn't seem to waiver.

"That's a shame. The best of my detectives chasing a wild goose," he said, resuming a more professional demeanor. "You never even heard what I'm willing to offer in return."

"I'm not _your_ detective, Judge," Pepper scowled. "Otherwise you didn't even have to ask me. I own my own agency, you know."

"Yes, well, as you well know, a toon of your reputation and skills would obviously earn herself a generous reward should you find our murderer and bring him to justice," Judge Doom smiled again as he handed her an envelope. "This is the reward."

Pepper eyed the piece of paper cautiously, as if she would be touching Dip, then took it. Opening it up, she unfolded the paper and scanned it over. Her lavender eyes turned wide at seeing the reward. Five hundred big ones _and _collaboration with Acme Studios to make her cases into its own cartoon.

"You can't be serious, Judge," she looked up to him, wondering if it were truly a joke, even though she never actually saw the Judge joke around. _Ever. _

"I'm completely serious, Detective," Judge Doom held out his hand, confident that he had earned her cooperation. That thought was quickly shoved away when all Pepper did was put the paper and envelope back into his open palm.

"I must respectfully decline, Judge Doom. My services retaining to Roger Rabbit's so-called 'murder' of Marvin Acme are spoken for, but thank you for the offer," Pepper dusted off her vest and picked up her bag.

"Very well. If that is your decision," Judge Doom continued to smile, though it seemed all the more ominous to Pepper. He reached into his breast pocket and pulled out what looked like a business card, handing it to her, "In case you change your mind."

"I'll keep it close by," Pepper smiled back, only to be polite as she took the card and stowed it away in her bag.

"It's too bad, though. I had hoped that you would have the chance to work with my men, maybe straighten them out a bit. They could use a skilled hand such as yours in this situation."

"Who are these _men _of yours anyway?" Pepper raised an eyebrow in question.

Her question was answered when the only noises made in the next few seconds were sirens and a crash through the front doors of the warehouse. A black 1937 Dodge Humpback panel truck rushed by, the officers dodging out of the way. _City of Los Angeles Toon Patrol _was sketched into the front doors in white, which was nearly what Pepper's face was when she saw those words.

"Weasels?" Eddie said, he and Santino staring at the truck. Pepper's dark gray ears flattened and the fur on the back of her neck started to tingle, standing on end as she pulled the brim of her fedora over her eyes.

"Yes," Judge Doom said. "Like our bright detective, I find they have a special gift for the work."

The doors opened and the five weasels of the Toon Patrol began to pour out.

"All right, you mugs! Fall out!" Obviously the leader with a Brooklyn accent barked at the other weasels.

His brown fur matched surprisingly well with his light pink, double-breasted zoot suit jacket and matching hat. His gold chain that hung from his left pocket matched his golden eyes. He also wore a reddish pink bejeweled tie over a white dress shirt and white spats on his hind feet. His very presence sent unpleasant shivers down her spine, nearly making her entire form shudder like an earthquake.

"Did you find the rabbit?" Judge Doom asked the weasels as the other four exited the truck, none of them looking even remotely alike.

"Don't worry, Judge. We got deformants all over the city. We'll find him," the leader said, letting his golden teeth shimmer as he grinned evilly.

"I don't believe any of you have had the pleasure of meeting Toon Town's best private eye," Judge Doom said, directing his statement at Pepper.

She had no idea if they had noticed her even before the Judge had said something, but she began to tremble inwardly as she felt eyes on her. The five weasels turned their attention onto her. All but the leader obviously were completely curious about the weasel detective.

The leader's golden eyes scanned over her as she pushed her fedora further over her eyes before clutching her fingers into her bag. His evil grin returned again as he approached her, "I believe _I've_ had the pleasure, Boss. I know those pretty white paws everywhere."

Slowly, Pepper backed away as her ears picked up the sound of his toe claws scratching onto the cement coming right at her. Before she knew it, she had backed up into a crate, not letting her get away.

"Good ta see ya, Pepper _Viper_," her fedora rim was suddenly brought up, her lavender eyes meeting his golden ones as they were just inches away.

It took a second or two, but Pepper regained her calm composure and cleared her throat, "Nice to see you haven't changed, Smart Ass. And it's _any_where, ya idiot."

Smart Ass narrowed his eyes at her as she said, "It's 'I know those pretty white paws _any_where,' not _every_where."

"Whatever ya say, sweetheart," Smart Ass replied, his sinister smile never leaving his muzzle. His comment and that smile just made her either want to slap him or hide in a hole. Or both.

"Hmm. She's a frisky one, eh Boss?" One of the other weasels, probably second in command, said, his voice sounding Puerto Rican. She just held back a shudder as he stood behind Smart Ass, his amber eyes roaming over her form and drinking her in.

This weasel, Pepper thought, was almost as bad as Smart Ass. His fur was a darker brown and greasy black hair could be seen from under his green hat, which matched his zoot suit styled trench coat and his trousers, which seemed to rise all the way to his chest. His tie was pink, practically rebelling with the other dark colors he wore.

His spectator shoes squeaked lightly as stepped up to her quickly, grabbed her paw, and kissed the back of it, making Pepper cringe in disgust as he purred out, "_Hola, chiquita. _I am Greasy."

"You said it, not me," Pepper pulled her paw away, shaking it as if she just stuck it in something slimy.

"Hiiiiiii!" A crazy-looking weasel waved to her, pushing Greasy to the side, the sleeve of his unbuckled straightjacket flapping as he did so.

This weasel…actually didn't look too bad, well, not as bad as Smart Ass or Greasy, at least. He had blue eyes, yellow and white swirling in them, amplifying his craziness. If that didn't, then his spiky brown fur on his head and the barber's razor in his other covered up hand sure did.

"Uh, hi," Pepper waved back.

The crazy weasel suddenly brought his covered hands behind his back, bringing out a giant toon Venus fly trap in a pot of soil. She looked at it strangely, thinking it was his own way of giving flowers to a lady. It's crazy all right, but still gentlemanly.

"Preeeetty!" he pushed the pot towards her. The plant growled and went to snap at Pepper, which nearly took her head off as she ducked down, only managing to take her fedora.

The weasels, excluding Smart Ass, laughed hysterically at the expense of Pepper and her now-digested hat. All it took was one single glare from their leader to make them shut up.

Thinking quickly, she reached into her bag, yanked out a black muzzle, in the perfect shape of the plant's mouth. As the plant snapped again, Pepper stepped to the side and clamped the muzzle onto its mouth. It struggled to shake it off, but failed and relented after a few seconds.

"Thanks, crazy," Pepper said, reaching into her bag and pulling out a spare fedora, placing it on her head.

"Psycho, actually," the weasel with bluish fur said in a deep voice. Skipping Psycho, who entered his own shrill giggling fit, his look immediately went back to that of Smart Ass and Greasy, and he didn't look too friendly either.

The weasel suddenly had a hacking fit, though he probably wouldn't, Pepper thought, if he wasn't smoking six cigarettes at a time. His bowler hat seemed loaded with even more cigarettes for his smoking pleasure. His white dress shirt was wrinkled, his tie was loose, and his black vest was unbuttoned. He looked like he could've walked right out of a black and white cartoon except for his reddened eyes, which upon closer examination, could easily pass for silver irises. Probably another side effect of all the cigarettes he's smoked.

"Whatta you lookin' at?" He wheezed at her, before yet again entering a hacking fit.

"Apparently, I'm looking at a dead weasel," Pepper stated blandly.

The last of the weasels, the dumb-looking one, let out a stupid giggle at the bluish weasel's expense. This weasel, like Psycho, didn't seem as bad as the other three. He had brown fur like Smart Ass and Psycho. He only had on a blue and white striped T shirt, which barely fit over his round gut, and a red beanie with a yellow propeller. His blue tennis shoes were untied on both feet. His green eyes actually sparkled a bit, presenting him as being more childlike than ignorant. In a way, he was actually kind of adorable.

"Shut it, Stupid!" the smoking weasel snapped, giving him a good bonk on the head. The weasel, Stupid apparently, stopped and looked down at his shoes.

"Pipe down, Wheezy," Smart Ass snapped, turning his golden eyes on him for a second, then went back to Pepper, his sneer returning. "Excuse my boys's improbable behavior, Pepper. They don't know no better."

"Im_proper_," Pepper corrected again, grabbing her bag and stepping around him, "doesn't even _begin _to describe them. Now, if you'll excuse me-!"

She stopped abruptly as Smart Ass snatched her forearm in a tight grip, "And just where do ya think _you're _goin'?"

"To my place, you thug!" Pepper growled, trying to yank her arm out of his grip. "Let go of me!"

She suddenly froze when she heard a distinctive click. Smart Ass brought up his switchblade, pointing the tip at her throat.

"Keep yer trap shut, cupcake, and listen up," he smirked, his eyes flashing as dangerously as the blade he had to her neck. "You ain't goin' nowhere till you eliminate on what ya found here. Ya got that?"

Pepper nodded with wide, fearful eyes, though the weasels were too caught up in their amusement with the possibility of violence to notice Pepper's hand going right to her bag. She smirked as she swiftly kicked Smart Ass in the shin and, using both hands, used the bag as a weapon, slamming it into his chest. The four weasels watched as their leader was thrown through the air and-

_CRASH! _Wood flew everywhere as he broke three crates, all of them containing what looked like little robot toys, all of them now going crazy as they ran around the warehouse with clinking gears and fast pace walking feet.

There was just a good few seconds of no sound but the clinking robots until the weasels started to laugh hysterically yet again. Smart Ass broke through the debris his golden eyes swirling in dizziness as he coughed at the dust from the impact along with some swallowed nuts and bolts.

With the weasels distracted, Pepper reached into her bag and brought out a shiny red wagon. She grabbed the pot of the Venus fly trap and set it inside along with her bag. She quickly wrapped her jacket around herself and pulled the wagon, ignoring the strange stares she got from the humans as she rushed by.

"Oh, and Pepper?"

Pepper froze and stiffly turned her head just as she was about to go out the door which the Toon Patrol crashed through. She was surprised that the weasels had regained their composure so quickly, but maybe it was because Smart Ass had regained himself from his recent fall, which was even more surprising.

The five were leaning against the Toon Patrol van, acting with great swagger as it looked to be. Smart Ass reached into his breast pocket and pulled out a cigar. Placing the tip on one of Wheezy's cigarettes, it lit up quickly.

"See ya real _soon_," he chuckled darkly before taking in a puff of the cigar and blowing out a cloud of smoke in her direction. Just as the smoke cloud approached her, it took on the shape of a skull and crossbones.

Pepper flinched and coughed harshly once the smoke hit her lungs as she used her hand to fan the smoke away. The weasels laughed along with Smart Ass as Pepper shuddered in unpleasantness and walked right out the door and out of sight.


	3. A Friendly Visit

**Yay! Chapter three! I'm so glad that I still have the motivation to write this fanfic, but oh well. Sadly, I do not own WFRR or its characters, only Pepper Piper, Alicia, and Ziggy. Bye!  
**

Pepper tapped her pen furiously on the various files that sat on her desk in her main office. She had decided to wear her field uniform that day instead of her usual dress suit. Her eyes had bags under them and she could barely keep them open.

It was only yesterday that she had gathered the evidence she needed to start proving Roger's innocence. There was only one thing that was distracting her from her work.

_See ya real _soon.

Smart Ass' voice kept repeating in her head over and over again. Seven years it's been since she even saw that arrogant weasel with his heavy Brooklyn accent and his malapropisms. She was so frightened when he pulled a blade on her and so full of adrenaline when she socked him with her bag that she didn't even correct him when he said "eliminate" instead of "elaborate." And now she's finally been caught. He knows who she is now and where he can find her if he so chooses to…well, she didn't want to even contemplate what could happen when he decides to pay her a visit.

Pepper's lavender eyes bulged as she felt something on her shoulder. She yelped as she shot up in the air, grabbing onto one of the hanging lights from the ceilings, her teeth chattering in fear and her fur standing on end.

"Pepper! Are you all right?! I didn't mean to frighten you!" An alligator woman looked up, her full height and her snout sticking up just reaching up to the bottom of the light. She wore a mint green dress suit which matched with her wavy blonde hair and swampy green eyes.

Pepper let out the breath she was holding in and her fur flattened again, "Oh, Alicia. Thank goodness it's only you! Um, do ya mind if I…?"

"Not at all," Alicia said as Pepper stepped onto her snout and held on. The alligator lowered her head to her boss' desk, where she jumped back into her chair and sunk into it, her chin hitting the desk and giving out a deep breath.

"Something wrong, ma'am?" Alicia asked, nervously tapping her green, clawed fingers together. "You seem…distracted."

"Nothing that can be really done to fix it right now," the gray she-weasel rubbed a hand down her face. "Is there something you need to tell me?"

"Oh, yes!" the alligator nodded furiously. "The subject of your current case is here to see you. Roger Rabbit, I believe."

"He's here!?" Pepper lifted her head impossibly fast, her eyes wide and full of surprise. "How the heck is he not caught yet?!"

"I don't know," Alicia shook her head, "but he said he needed to speak to you immediately."

"Of course," Pepper cleared her throat, straightening her vest and dress shirt. "Send him in."

"Of course, boss," Alicia stepped out of the office but kept the door open.

Pepper sighed and gathered a few pieces of her documents pertaining to Roger's case to put it back in its folder.

"UMPH!" Pepper suddenly choked out as she was thrown back and out of her chair, the papers flying all over the office.

"P-P-Pepper! It's so good to see you!" Roger hugged her good and tight, her eyes feeling like they were literally going to pop out of her skull.

"It's *gasp* good to see ya too, Roger. Would you mind *wheeze* letting me go?" Pepper coughed out, trying to get in a breath of air.

"I'm sorry, Pepper," Roger sadly said as he let go, dropping her to the ground. "It's just so hard to find friends who care about you now. I thought no toon in Toontown would ever believe I didn't do it, but when I heard my Jessica called you in for me, I just had to come in and say…THANK YOU!"

The weasel detective was, yet again, squeezed-no, _constricted_ in a lung-terminating hug from Roger as he kept chanting, "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" for what seemed to be an eternity before he let go.

"Say, you don't look so good, Pep," Roger noted, lifting her eyelids and rubbing his chin, as if he were investigating her weariness. "What's got you so down in the dumps?"

"A lot of things lately, Roger," Pepper said, taking his yellow-gloved hand off of her eye. "Is that the only thing you've come here for?"

"No. I need your help, Pepper!" Roger suddenly sounded panicked, closing the shades and slamming the door shut, pulling out a hammer, some nails, and wooden planks as he began to nail up the door as if to barricade it completely.

"Roger! Are ya out of your mind?!" Pepper shouted, jumping up and pulling him down by his cotton tail. She took the hammer and started yanking out some of the nails that kept the door lodged in place. As she continued to pull them out, she asked, "What's wrong? And how did you manage to get here without the Toon Patrol catchin' ya?"

"That's precisely the problem!" Roger pulled on his ears nervously. "I was going home to wait for my dear Jessica, but the weasels were there waiting for _me _last night! I didn't know where to go! So I came to the alley by your office and hid until you opened up!"

"Believe you me, Roger, I'm just as afraid of the weasels right now as you are," the gray weasel grunted as she pulled up a nail from the upper part of the door. She went into her bronze bag and pulled out a ladder, climbing up it as she went to pull out another wooden plank. "Considering that, what's this have to do with me? What do you expect me to do?"

"I know just the detective who can help me besides you, Pep!" Roger piped, suddenly in a better mood. "You know Eddie Valiant, don'tcha?"

"Of course I know him! Can't guarantee he'll help you, though," Pepper said as she pulled out the last of the boards. "If you need to find him, why come to me?"

"Why? WHY?" Roger asked, as if the answer were the most obvious in the world. "Think about it, Pepper. You're both the greatest detectives to all toon kind! The two of you together could help this all get straightened out in no time!"

"Roger," Pepper stared blankly at him. "As much as that logic makes sense, we face only two problems. Number one," she used one finger to count, "Eddie hates working _for _toons, let alone working_ with_ them. Number two," she used a second finger, "the Toon Patrol are gonna be all over me if I so much as leave this building. They know I'm working to prove you innocent, Roger! And believe me, their sergeant is smart enough to know that I can find you with my eyes shut! They'll try to get me to spill my guts in _any _way necessary. We'd never make it to Valiant's office!"

"B-b-but," Roger's ears went down, his big blue eyes filled with tears and his bottom lip quivered.

"Aw, Roger! Don't do that!" Pepper flinched and tried to look away, but was unable to resist such a desperate plea. Her hands tangled themselves into her hair as she said, "Okay! Okay! I'll think of something! Just…stop! Please!"

"Yes! I knew I could count on you, Pep!" Roger cheered, now doing a little happy dance around her office.

Pepper shook her head and gathered up the papers of Roger's file _again_ and set it back in its folder. She suddenly froze as she just thought of something and as Roger danced by, she grabbed him by the ears and pulled him up to her face.

"Roger?" She asked quietly. "Did anyone see you come in here when I opened?"

Roger shook his head, saying, "No! Not a soul! At least I think nobody did."

The intercom on her desk suddenly beeped, indicating that Alicia was calling to tell her something important.

"Hold that thought," Pepper said, "and keep quiet," she put a finger to her lips. Roger nodded and literally zipped his mouth shut. She let go of his ears and sat at her chair, pressing the little red button and spoke into the device, "Go ahead, Alicia."

"Y-yes," Alicia whimpered from the other side. "Th-the Toon Patrol is here to s-see you, Miss Piper."

Roger screamed, though it was muffled by the zipper over his mouth as his eyes went to the size of saucers. Pepper shushed him and pressed the button, "What's their business here?"

Taking her finger off the button, Alicia's voice answered, "They say they're here on a…friendly visit."

Pepper scoffed after taking her finger off the button, "_Friendly visit_, my great aunt Ursula! After what happened yesterday, _friendly _isn't one of the vibes I got from them."

Roger looked like he was panicking, his frantic talking muffled by the zipper over his mouth. Pepper rolled her eyes and unzipped his mouth.

"What're we gonna do, Pepper?" His teeth started to chatter in fear, his eyes looking around frantically.

Pepper rubbed her chin in thought before a bright light bulb went off over her head. She pulled the string to it and it clicked off.

"How are you with being in the dark, Roger?"

* * *

"One nice place she's got, huh, boss?" Wheezy said, taking the liberty of taking up all the room on one of the loveseats in the waiting area of the agency, his Tommy gun clutched in his left hand.

It was a simple office to say the least. Polished oak boards were lined up with a few decorative rugs. There were a few chairs and loveseats for any toon waiting to see the weasel sleuth in comfort. A bookshelf or two was filled with books for anyone to read while they waited. Plants were lined up also for decoration: some flowers, some trees, and then some others.

Psycho took it upon himself to poke at the Venus fly trap he had given Pepper, letting out a shrill giggle every time the plant let out a muffled growl, its black muzzle still on its mouth. Stupid was counting aloud (and _very _loudly) all of the planks that were lined on the floor with his large, wooden baseball bat with a large nail sticking out of it in his grip.

Greasy and Smart Ass were leaning against the front desk, where Alicia was uncomfortably sat, tapping her clawed fingers together as she patiently awaited her boss' reply. Greasy was using a switchblade to clean whatever gunk was under his fingernails and Smart Ass twisted his revolver endlessly, the clicking making Alicia flinch a little.

"Not bad," he growled, growing ever more impatient. Then he snapped at the alligator, "Well? Are you gonna send us in or what?! We ain't got all day!"

"She never gave me permission to let you in. There's nothing I can do," Alicia tried to reason.

Smart Ass narrowed his eyes and his revolver snapped shut, the light reflecting off of it as he said, "If we don't enter that office in the next five seconds, I'm gonna have myself a brand new pair of alligator boots with a belt to match."

Alicia gulped audibly and began to tremble.

"_Smart Ass. The intercom is on. I can hear every word you're saying," _Pepper's voice sounded from the other side of the device, which everyone looked down at. Alicia's elbow had pressed down into the button, giving the detective complete access to the conversation. _"And if you really are here on a friendly visit as you say you are, I'm hoping I get a warmer greeting from you than you gave to my secretary._

"_Anyway, sorry about the holdup, Alicia. The file for Roger's case flew everywhere and I was just picking them up. Go ahead and send those boys in. You might also want to go out on your lunch break now. I have a feeling this stuff needs to be private," _she finished. The five weasels looked at each other, but went for the office door marked "Pepper Piper: Chief Detective."

"_Oh, and Smart Ass? Ya make belts out of snakes, not alligators," _the she-weasel corrected yet again.

"Whatever," the sergeant grumbled, opening up the door.

Pepper sat at her desk, using a nail file on her sharp claws, blowing off the dust that came from it.

"Good morning, boys," she greeted the weasels as they peered around her office. "What can I do for you?"

"Oh, nothing really, Pepper," Smart Ass replied, suddenly sounding…friendly. "I just wanted to stop by and give ya my sincerest apologues."

"That's _apologies_," Pepper corrected, setting the file on her desk. "And it's hard to believe when you and your boys are wearing irons."

"Good point, there," Smart Ass said, placing his revolver back in his jacket pocket. "Get those things outta sight, boys. We ain't here ta cause trouble."

"Awww!" Psycho set his barber razor into his straightjacket, obviously disappointed in no violence going on.

Stupid merely tried hiding the bat behind his back. Greasy put his switchblade away in his trench coat and Wheezy only put his Tommy gun away in its case.

Pepper crossed her arms and quirked an eyebrow, "If you're not here to cause trouble and you've given your apologies, why else are ya here?"

"Come on, Pepper!" Smart Ass jumped onto her desk, crossing his legs as he sat at the edge of the desk closest to her. "I know we went off on the wrong foot yesterday, but I wanna say it's good ta see ya again."

He smiled smoothly as he held out a hand for her to shake. She looked at it warily, but reluctantly grabbed his paw, where he shook it more vigorously than she had expected.

"And it's…a surprise to see you so friendly especially after yesterday," Pepper rubbed her hand, still cautious around the strangely pleasant weasel.

"What? Aw, that was just a joke, doll!" Smart Ass jumped down next to her, placing his hands on her revolving chair. "Besides, you know me: I can't hold no grudge for nobody!"

Pepper's eyes roamed to the other weasels, who she noticed that they seemed to be searching through her things. They must've figured out that Roger had come by from possible witnesses. Why else would Smart Ass be so nice after she had bashed him into crates of toon bots?

"I beg to differ. Oh, and may I ask why your buddies are snooping through my office?" The detective asked, gesturing to the smoker, the crazy, the idiot, and the greaser.

"Hey hey hey!" Smart Ass shouted at them, making them stop their search. "Get yer mitts outta her personal things! You know how the dames get when you do things so independent!"

_I'm really hoping he means 'indecent', _Pepper thought, deciding not to chance her luck with his temper. She could tell that even if his kindness was fake, he was really trying to keep his temper in check to get on her good side.

"Oh, I'm sure they just dropped something and were just looking for it," she laughed lightly, waving her hand dismissively. "I'm sure they meant no real harm."

Smart Ass looked at her strangely, suspicious of her sudden mood change. All he did was keep his cool and moved off the subject.

"So, Pepper," he started, drumming his fingers on her chair. "Word from the Judge is that you don't want to work with us to get that rabbit."

"That's right. I don't," Pepper snapped, angered at how Judge Doom thought he could just bribe her to hunt down an innocent toon. She grabbed Roger's file and got out of her chair as she finished, "The Judge didn't convince me and neither will _you_."

"You're kiddin' me! You're sayin' that after all these years, ya won't work with me? Not even for old time's sake?" Smart Ass persisted, confirming Pepper's thoughts that Roger wasn't the only thing he was after here.

"Thank you for understanding, Smarty," Pepper replied, using his old nickname. She opened up a filing cabinet and set the file inside before closing it again. "Nothing personal. I'm just not interested. Now, if you would please be on your way, I'm sure you and your men have important things to do and I need to go out."

Smart Ass genuinely looked shocked, but he shook it off and pulled at the upper part of his light pink jacket, "Of course, Pepper. C'mon, boys. We're finished here."

As he departed, the other weasels followed closely behind, closing the door as they did. Pepper fell into her seat and let out a giant sigh in relief. Ducking under her desk, she pulled out her bronze bag and heaved it onto her desk. Peering around for any unwanted company, she opened it up.

Roger popped his head out immediately, giving out a large gasp as he sucked in as much oxygen in his lungs as he could.

"They're gone, Roger," Pepper whispered. "But we gotta move fast. If we're gonna get you to Eddie's office, we're gonna have to make it snappy."

"Back into the bag," Roger took in a deep breath and jumped up in the air, aiming to dive back down into the bag. Before he could make it, Pepper grabbed him and set him on top of the desk.

"Hold on! Let's make sure the coast is clear before you run out of oxygen again," Pepper shushed as she slinked over to the door, putting an eye to the keyhole.

The five weasels were outside in the waiting area and she got there just in time to see Smart Ass bonk Wheezy and Greasy on the head.

"What part of 'look for the rabbit _**discretely**_' did ya idiots not understand?!" He snapped.

"Sorry, boss," only Wheezy and Greasy mumbled. Alicia had already gone from the office, so they had no reason to do the talking privately. Psycho wrapped himself in a hug, appearing as if his straightjacket was buckled. Stupid only rocked back and forth on the tips of his tennis shoes.

"Well, the rabbit ain't here. He must've went somewhere else. Let's get outta here," Smart Ass shook his head, busting through the double doors in the front. The other weasels scrambled after him and when the doors slid shut, it confirmed that they were good and alone.

"All right, Roger," Pepper sighed, grabbing her jacket and a piece of paper. "Looks like we're good to move out. Get in the bag."

When she turned around though, all she saw was Roger's cotton tail sticking out of the bag before it disappeared inside. She smiled and shook her head, writing down a note for Alicia to read.

_Alicia_

_Please be a dear and take messages for any calls and close up when you're done. And give yourself a day or two off, my treat. I have a feeling I won't be in those days. Kiss your kids for me!_

_Pepper_

"We're on our way, Roger," she whispered as she exited out the building that was her office and home.

* * *

"I don't get it. Them sheep told us the rabbit went to her office," Wheezy rasped, sticking three cigarettes into his hat as he got into the car, Smart Ass and Psycho in the front with him.

"I know what the sheep said! She must've been hiding him somewhere," Smart Ass hissed, starting up the car and drumming his fingers on the wheel.

They turned their heads as Pepper exited her building, her dark brown jacket over her form and her bronze bag in hand as she went down the steps. She stopped at the bottom and looked at the Toon Patrol's car. She and Smart Ass looked each other in the eyes, his gold and hers light violet. Then she turned away and started down the sidewalk, her form disappearing as she turned around a corner.

"Yeah, but where?" Wheezy flicked the three cigarettes out the window and took four more from his box, lighting them up all at once as the truck moved forward. Driving past the corner Pepper turned, he finished, "If we don't find out soon, she's gonna have the rabbit's case in the bag."

Psycho and Wheezy flew into the wind shield as Smart Ass slammed his foot on the brakes. Wheezy's cigarettes fell onto the seats as his mouth hung open in a groan. Psycho giggled as his face slid down the window and onto the dashboard.

The small window leading to the back of the truck opened up and Greasy's amber eyes peeked through.

"_Ay Curamba_! What did we hit?" he asked.

"The bag," Smart Ass muttered more to himself than the others.

"We hit a bag?" Greasy asked Wheezy and Psycho, who merely shrugged their shoulders. They had as good an idea as Greasy did as to why their leader stopped so suddenly.

"No, you MORONS!" Smart Ass snapped, turning his head sharply to glare at Pepper's distant shape, who so happened to turn at the sound of the Toon Patrol van's screeching tires as it stopped. The very second Smart Ass' furious golden eyes locked with her curious lavender ones, Pepper stiffened. "She's got the rabbit in the bag!"

Though she did not hear his voice, Pepper read his lips well enough to figure out she was caught. Her _and _Roger. Thinking quickly, she went right off to the side into an alley and hid behind a group of garbage cans. She opened the bronze bag where Roger's fuzzy white head popped up.

"Are we there, already? Oh boy!" Roger looked around excitedly. Then he frowned, "Hey! This isn't Eddie's office!"

"Roger, listen to me carefully," Pepper whispered, opening a window that looked to go right into a basement. "The weasels caught on. This is the basement to my building. You should find a secret door that goes to my office. You can get through the front doors just fine. If you can find your way out of Toontown, you should be fine. I'll keep them busy for as long as I can. Got it?"

Roger gulped nervously, but nodded nonetheless, "They're not gonna hurt ya, are they, Pep?"

Pepper didn't answer, only shoved him down the window and locked it up. Snapping her bag shut, she got out from behind the garbage cans and ran. Peering over her shoulder, she saw the black paddy wagon flash right past the alley. Now, she figured that since the van wouldn't fit in the alleyway, Smart Ass would try to cut her off at the other end.

If she hurried, she would be able to get to the walking bridge that goes to the Toon Fields, which were one of the closest ways to get out of Toontown and to find Valiant's office. They would either have to go on foot (which they barely had a chance with her head start) or take the long way around.

If not, she could always turn tail. Either way, the more time she can avoid Smart Ass and his men, the better.

She skidded to a stop as the black truck screeched to a stop at the end of the alley. Time for Plan B: Turn tail, get away, and _don't_ get caught. Before she could even complete the first part of the plan, two arms snatched her waist from behind her, slamming her into something warm and firm and locking her in place.

"We meet again, _mi __cariña_," Greasy husked into her ear, making sure to use one hand and place it on her hip. Stupid came up and took the bronze bag from her grip.

"You're lucky I'm not familiar with the rock you crawled out from under or I'd bite you so hard, you'd _beg _to be Dipped," she venemously spat, ceasing her struggle knowing that it would be pointless to do so.

The doors to the Toon Patrol truck opened and it was first Smart Ass who stepped out of the car. His snarl made it very apparent that he was displeased with the stunt she pulled.

"Very cleaver, Pepper. I'll give ya that much," he growled, crossing his arms with a revolver in hand as he stopped in front of her.

"_Clever_. And thank you! That's so sweet of you to say!" Pepper said in a sickly sweet voice. "Too bad all that hospitality was wasted in the office. Nice acting, by the way."

"Don't press yer luck, ya conivin' broad!" Smart Ass narrowed his eyes at her, pressing the tip of the gun to her neck. Without breaking eye contact with her, he flicked his gun towards Stupid, "Check the bag."

In the most childish way imaginable, Stupid set the bag down, sitting down also as he opened the bag. He stuck his head and hands inside, first throwing out a broom. Then he threw out a silver toolbox before gasping suddenly.

The weasels leaned in curiously only for Stupid to pull out a big, red lollipop. With a big grin on his face, Stupid stuck it into his mouth and began to suck.

"Help yourself," Pepper gestured with her hands, as if not caring. Which she didn't really.

Running a hand down his face, Smart Ass looked like he was going to lose it when he said lowly, "Wheezy. Look in the bag and find. That. RABBIT!"

Swiftly, the smoking weasel poked his head into the bag, he threw out a hair dryer, followed by a can of paint, then a pickle jar before he bolted up, a vacuum cleaner sucking in his head even as he desperately tried to pull it off as he backed up.

Shaking his head, Smart Ass stashed his revolver back into his jacket before storming up to the bag and rummaging through it himself. In his whole search, he threw out a jackhammer, a picnic basket, a lamp, and a cinderblock before he found something interesting.

"I've got somethin', boys! Gimme a hand, here!"

Wheezy was the first to react, finally able to yank his head out of the vacuum cleaner. Though he was angry that the vacuum sucked up his cigarettes, he ran up behind Smart Ass and wrapped around him, yanking along with him to pull out the mystery object.

"God damnit! How the hell do ya get this thing around?!" Wheezy coughed, for once not having cancer sticks in his mouth. "This thing's wrigglin' up a storm!"

Psycho was the next and the last to come and aid them, though it was unnecessary for anyone else to help. All three weasels fell backwards as all of them held a giant, wriggling marlin. It bucked and squirmed, slapping Psycho in the face with his tail and nearly crushing Smart Ass and Wheezy under its weight.

Greasy took one good look and couldn't help a hysterical fit of laughs. Feeling him convulse behind her, Pepper took this as an opportunity at an escape. She brought her foot up high and down hard on Greasy's.

"YOOOW!" he released her and hopped up and down on his good foot while rubbing his sore one. "_Hijo de puta!"_

"Sorry to run off so soon, but my investigation awaits! Toodles, boys!" Pepper waved with a laugh as she snatched her bag and went past the black van and onto the walking bridge, leaving Stupid in blissful unawareness, Greasy rubbing his sore foot, and Smart Ass loathing the weasel detective all the more as he, Wheezy, and Psycho were forced to fight off the marlin, but how long would that last?


End file.
